Nurture vs. Nature

For siblings that have never met, how are they so similar?

These photos were taken four years and two days apart. My first thought is wow, she is so much taller than Henry. My second thought is wow, how is that even possible. Same outfit and all.

Their similarities are eerily alike. But for siblings that have not and will never meet, how are they so similar? It’s something my mind often wonders about. Is this just childhood in general, is it genetics, or is it our parenting style? My general conclusion is a mixture of all of the above. Nurture vs nature is an age-old debate and I don’t have a definitive answer. Of course, our children are genetically similar and I doubt our parenting styles have changed that much, but our daughter still makes me pause sometimes with her resemblance to Henry.

Their mannerisms have been so similar since birth. The way they moved their bodies and alertness throughout infancy was uncanny. Minus the head full of dark hair, it was like looking at Henry. As she’s gotten older it has continued. There are little moments throughout the day like gazing out the window with the same pose and facial expressions. Bigger things like how they dance and their determined walk, sometimes stumbling (toddling) through the house. I love her little t-rex arms when she walks which Henry also did, and the inquisitive face she does when I ask her a question she isn’t sure about that big brother also had.

I often wonder how can they be so similar without ever meeting. I’m sure it’s something I’ll question the rest of my life. I don’t get the joy of watching them grow up together. I will see our daughter through the phases of life we never got with Henry. She will soon surpass him in age, and my touch points to similarities will be gone.

Through their similarities there are also differences. Henry loved a push toy, but she prefers to pull. She loves to push boundaries (especially on the playground), and Henry was cautious. I’m remain hopeful that Henry would have been more playful if it wasn’t for his tumor, just like his sister.

It’s a mix of joy and shock that their similarities and differences bring me. At times, I’m grateful they are so alike. It’s comforting, a reminder that Henry lives on through us, but also painful at times that he isn’t here. I’m learning to grow as a parent and live with these mixed emotions, just as any parent grows and changes on their parenting journey, just a little different from the norm.